Trash Talk
by The A-Fizzler
Summary: Something has to start those brawls, right? Find out what sparked a fight between characters.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Smash.

Ike was just walking around, deep in thought. He was in his own little place, a place called Ike's world. Not much originality, and not as cool as Elmo's world, mind you (Ike knows, he's seen it before), but still cool nonetheless. What was in Ike's world, you may ask? Only Ike knows. And that mind reader Mewtwo. And maybe Lucario, because a lot of Pokemon have super cheap super powers. Well, it all depends if he talks in his sleep, because if he did, he'd talk about Ike's world. But that's a story for another day.

The only problem with Ike's world was that when he was there, he didn't pay attention to where he was going. That's when he bumped into our innocent passerby, Falco.

"Oh. Sorry."

Now, on any other day, Falco would've shrugged it off and went on his merry way. But today, Falco was _pissed._

Why, you ask? Falco had just recently moved into a new room in the House of the Brawlers. It was bigger, and had a nice view. But the problem was that it was next to Ness' room.

Ness was a good kid, but he spoke in his sleep. There's no problem with that, because the walls were sound proof. But the problem lies with what he _said_ in his sleep. Was it about food? People? Girls? Did he believe it WAS butter? Of all the things to say, he has to say this.

"PK FIRE!"

And in a flash, the wall, along with most of Falco's things, were burned to ashes, and at 3 AM too! The _nerve_of Ness' subconscious mind.

Falco reported this to one of the masters of the house, Master Hand, in an effort to switch rooms and replace his things. But the hand simply told him to "chill" and handed him some sort of pill that was most likely illegal, because everyone knew the Hand was a druggie. Do you really think the colors in "final destination" from Melee were actually there?

And he received no sympathy from Fox, who merely laughed at him for getting his stuff destroyed by a ten year old. Falco kicked him in the nads.

And he still had to stay in the same room, which caused many PK fires, thunders, and freezing. PK pain, indeed.

So Falco had no patience for anything anymore. That day, when he was bumped, he was angry enough to turn into The Incredible Hulk but in bird form and instead of saving people he'd be the town jerkoff.

Falco snapped at Ike.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, ya ignorant oaf!"

Ike looked at Falco. Part of his mind was asking, who in this day and age says oaf? But Ike was too mad to answer that.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

Now Ike wasn't normally angry, but when he's mad, he's _mad._ Especially when he had apologized for his mistake.

"I'm the ignorant one? You're the one starting fights."

"I wouldn't be starting fights if you and your big ass sword didn't crash into me."

Now Ike didn't handle curses well. To him, cursing was low. But he was mad, so he decided to sink to an even lower level.

He made fun of Falco's manhood.

"Yeah, you're just jealous of my big ass sword because you're such a pansy you couldn't handle one, _Big Bird._"

Falco was shocked, because to animals, making fun of your species was like a racial slur.

"I'm no Big Bird, but I'm definitely bigger than _that_. And if anyone is the pansy, it's you."

"And how so? Enlighten us, Mr. Owl."

Falco's eye twitched with anger.

"I, unlike you, own a gun, like a real man. You're too weak to change to modern technology and therefore, in the case of man versus machine, machine wins."

Not that offensive, but smart. Falco felt proud, and waited for the humans response.

"I bet you wouldn't last one day without these ass kissing machines your world created, just because you're too damn lazy to do things on your own."

"And you would last in this world? If I can recall, who was it that had trouble working something so simple as the washing machine? I don't remember the washing machine washing _swords._"

"Not like how someone had trouble surviving when the TV wasn't working!"

That was it for Falco.

"Your MOM!"

"Your FACE!"

Those last two words were said before Ike could even fully process Falco's response. But Ike didn't care. Ike stopped caring after he made a reference to that tootsie pop commercial that made Pit count every lick he took whenever he ate one. By the way, it's 356.

"Your MOM'S FACE!"

"Your DAD!"

"YOUR dad!"

"Seems like SOMEONE fell out of the NEST as a baby!"

"Seems like SOMEONE was dropped on their head as a baby and STUCK THERE!"

Oh, no he didn't. You don't diss the do. The _do._The spiky, sexy hair that he so proudly sported. That was his pride and joy. Ike treated his hair like his manhood(A habit adapted by having to share a bathroom with Marth).

"I'll KILL you, you damn pigeon!"

Ike whipped out his sword and held it before him, his arm outstretched, trying not to show that he pulled something while taking his sword out and was in pain. But it just made him look angry.

"I'd like to see you TRY, you Roy RIPOFF!"

Falco pulled out his gun and aimed it at Ike's head. The gun wasn't fully charged, mind you, but no one needed to know that. Besides, Falco didn't always need his gun. He was _Falco_. He could do anything. He was like Superman for people of the Aves class. But cooler and less willing to hide his identity so people know who saved and/or wounded them.

"HEY!"

Ike and Falco turned and saw Crazy Hand floating in their direction. Crazy was the reasonable one out of the twins. He knew not to do drugs and not to drink or smoke. But he was too obsessed with order. And he had a bit of an anger management problem. His "happy pills" were the only pills he would ever take, which his brother stole often.

He could NOT have people fighting in his house! Especially when they were a happy family! Happy!

"Take this outside! I will NOT have you ruin the tranquility of my home! We are _happy,_ people, HAPPY!"

Ike and Falco mumbled to themselves while heading for the door, pushing and shoving each other.

As soon as they were a reasonable distance from the house, which was when Crazy was out of earshot, as Pit would say...

The fight is on.


End file.
